An Impatient Bulb

Good Morning, Lord.

Every morning the sun rises, or the earth turns to greet the sun. Regardless light spills across the cracked cold earth. And for a few hours the warmth of the sun penetrates the layers. Winter still holds on like an old woman with gnarled and clawed hands—unwilling to give up so easily.

But light will break. Eventually winter will give way to spring. The rotation of the seasons will come. And I thank you. I have not understood this winter. I have not been able to fully embrace the dormancy and stillness you have beckoned me to entertain.

I am like a bulb in the ground waiting. Waiting for my thick skin to crack open and allow the slim green shoot to push upward through the cold, packed dirt. I am trying to force the bulb. Attempting to recreate warmth and light so that I will bloom sooner.

Bloom sooner.

But your timing is perfect, and lest I forget please remind me.

Your timing takes into account things and events and circumstances I cannot see. I cannot foretell. Some I can’t even imagine. If I push my tender shoot through the soil too early then there’s a chance I will succumb to late frost. I just don’t understand; I can’t see far enough ahead.

But you do, Lord. You are far ahead of me.

Help me to be still in this season. Help me to rest in this Sabbath just a little while longer. Enable me to have patience to finish the season. To allow you to do your work in me. To surrender to your tending hand.

I have grown impatient. And with impatience grows discontent. With discontent I fail to see the goodness. I fail to see the gifts. I fail to count as your servant, Ann, suggests. With impatience and discontent my spirit is no longer fallow soil for your to plant your seed. Father, may Your Holy Spirit cultivate patience and contentment in me—even in this season that seems so barren and bleak.

And so I count:

1.      Thank you for furnaces that run, and vents that produce heat.

2.      Thank you for the early morning light that spills across the kitchen floor.

3.      Thank you for dogs curled together in tight balls.

4.      Thank you for spooning and warm beds.

5.      Thank you for hot chocolate.

6.      Thank you for fireplaces in friends’ homes.

7.      Thank you for warm, red coats.

8.      Thank you for the stillness outside, and the stillness in me.

 

Amen and amen.